Our Services

The FAbuto Fives Master Class

Fashion. Fortune. Flaws. Fantasies. Family. 

Have you ever felt the painful wound of the eternal void expectorate the pus of your crushed dreams and think to yourself, "How the hell did I end up in this sellout job with a partner whose genitals I can no longer stand the sight of, strapped with Bezos debt and a closetful of muumuus? You aren't alone. 

Larry Fabuto personally crafted a master class centered around the Fabuto Fives after an uncharacteristic midlife crisis that involved a Bernese Mountain Dog and a shaken can of Vernors® Ginger Ale.  This master class teaches students how to take back control of their lives through wardrobe alterations, the reimagining of value, the acceptance of grave personal errors, and the fulfillment of desires, sexual or otherwise, culminating in the final and most fundamental Fabuto Five: Family. 

If Bill Mays had taken this class, he'd not only endorse it with a money* back guarantee, he'd also probably have been able to kick that nasty nose beer habit. But don't take it from me: testimonials. 

*Per Fabuto Family Fortune Policy 6.52(c), government-backed currency is but a scam that reinforces systemic control of citizens by a small minority of evil overlords in Midwestern states, and as such, no money can be refunded. 

Fabuto Gesticulations ™ Course

Project an aura of consummate cool in all situations. Jazz hands, man hands, backhands, glad hands, and helping hands. This course will teach you how to let your hands talk for you and has given students the freedom to refrain from small talk topics including, but not limited to: sports, weather, European sports, explaining to the client why your boss is late to the conference call*, and much, MUCH more!

Handshake course offered separately. 

*Testimonials have indicated that the force of Fabuto Gesticuations™ is so palpable, they may not even need to be perceived visually to have an effect.  

Fabutifize Me, Captain!

License the Fabuto Name to boost product sales. Like what Voldermort did with gold letters and international real estate to create an illusion of wealth, except, because this shit is free, none of that applies, so let us help you sell your product by Fabutifizing it. 

Silk Shirt Acquisition 

Worms made it, so you know it's good. 

Wedding Toasts 

Complimenting your Mother-In Law

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Memes

Enough said.